I recall one (of many) days when I spent over an hour talking with one of my patients. During our conversation, my patient anguished over how her mother did not want her as a child. She then spent considerable time recalling every hurtful thing that a friend, family member, lover, or even stranger had ever said to her. She lamented about her serious chronic illnesses, and how “No man would ever want [her]” because of them. Recalling her earlier life as a beautiful, successful businesswoman, she informed me that, although she had no intentions to end her own life, she felt that “it was a shame” that she was still alive. She concluded by saying that no one in this entire world is trustworthy, and “Life is crap and then you die.”
Unsure of her physical mobility status (I was visiting her while she lay in a hospital bed), I asked her if she could move her limbs, she said “Well, yes.” Encouraged by her answer, I asked her if she could become more mobile, perhaps using a wheelchair or walker. “No, I walk just fine”, she replied. I then asked if she had access to transportation in order to get away from her undesirable living conditions and meet new people. “I have an almost brand new car!” she declared.
As we sat and talked, I shared something with her that I had experienced and observed often in my life, and in the lives of others: We must cultivate and harvest our own seeds of happiness. You deserve to be happy in the time that you have on this Earth. The key is that you must be willing to place your focus on the things that fertilize that happiness: Joy, Love, and Inner Peace. You must search diligently for these, even if they are hiding in a tiny, dusty, dark corner of your heart.
Whatever happened in the past that you felt that you did not deserve, know this: It is a miserable thing to waste countless precious moments filled with hatred, regret, mistrust, sadness, jealousy/envy, guilt, grief and anger. This is not to say that these emotions have no place, because they do, in a very temporary sense. So-called “negative” emotions can be very useful if used as tools to enhance our lives and not as volatile forces that control us. For example, anger can be a tool used to set boundaries, take a stance for something positive, or serve as a catalyst for profound life change. Fear can be used to enhance awareness, avoid harm, or take bold action. Jealousy/envy can help enhance our intuition and aid in identifying honest and loyal friends, associates, and lovers. Even feelings of hatred can be used to cultivate love and compassion in our lives.
It is said that optimists and pessimists are equally right. If you say, “This day is going to stink”, then you will likely find reasons to support that thought. If you feel, “This day will be beautiful”, you will notice things that suggest that notion. What we focus on becomes our reality. Want proof? Have you ever purchased a new car, and suddenly found that car almost everywhere you look? It is not the fact that everyone suddenly rushed out to purchase your car, it is simply that what you focused on became the center of your attention.
You are alive and breathing, and moments should not be squandered in despair. The most powerful thing to realize in life is that you alone can control whether or not you “harvest your happiness.”
I challenge everyone reading this to find something today that brings you joy. If you are having a challenging day, you may find that something very simple can bring a small smile to your face: placing call to a friend or family member, eating a piece of dark chocolate, sitting in quiet meditation, watching a silly TV show. Also, most people find that bringing joy to others brings increased satisfaction to their own lives. This might involve volunteer work, baking something special for a friend, or leaving a positive note to a loved one.
In the words of Buddha, “Happiness does not depend on what you have or who you are. It solely relies on what you think.”
Copywright 2015 Kalyca DuBose/Body Mind Enterprises
