“She is stuck on stupid!” That was the phrase we used growing up when someone repeatedly sabotaged themselves on a regular basis. Today, I was reflecting on the seemingly endless ways that we as individuals seem to be on self-destruct mode: Eating unhealthy food, not exercising, hurting others in ways big and small, not progressing towards the goals we claim are important, polluting our world. Of course, we all make mistakes or choose, every once in a while, to imbibe in our chosen indulgence. But repeatedly engaging in habits that keep us in an undesirable place physically, mentally, or spiritually can leave us caught in a tide that pulls us far away from living our best life. In The DuBose Self Empowerment Course (subscribe to our mailing list at www.bodymindenterprises.com to be notified of our latest launch), we devote an entire section to successfully overcoming self sabotage. The critical point to realize is that ingrained behaviors don’t change until the feelings surrounding that behavior change.
A wonderful tool to help “unstick” yourself is the HALT Risk State Tool. The HALT tool was designed for those seeking to overcome substance abuse by alerting you to risk factors that can lead to relapse. HALT is an acronym that stands for Hungry, Angry, Lonely, and Tired. Here’s why I have found it to apply to all forms of self-sabotage:
Hungry:
When you have basic human needs that are not being fulfilled, this can prevent you from expressing maximum potential. Ever try to concentrate on an empty stomach? Ever try to be inspired in the midst of complainers? Ever try to be content when you have life dreams yet to be fulfilled? It is up to YOU to make sure that you are optimally nourished physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. Choose the right physical food and the best food for your soul. Choose positive, uplifting people to be around. Create an inspiring environment to spend time in. Listen to that inner hunger and allow it to propel you forward in healthy, productive ways!
Angry:
Some psychologists do not classify anger as a primary emotion. They believe, rather, that anger is a shield or mask that hides other emotions such as fear, depression, embarrassment, hurt, exhaustion, worry, insecurity, etc.. This makes sense, since identifying and addressing these “initial” emotions can help to extinguish underlying anger. When we observe the societal melee that anger causes (homicide, war, abuse, hatred, depression, etc.), we see that healing anger is the way forward. In the book How to Solve our Human Problems, author and Buddhist scholar Geshe Kelsang Gyatso states:
“When things go wrong in our life and we encounter difficult situations, we tend to regard the situation itself as our problem, but in reality whatever problems we experience come from the side of the mind. If we responded to difficult situations with a positive or peaceful mind they would not be problems for us. Eventually, we might even regard them as challenges or opportunities for growth and development. Problems arise only if we respond to difficulties with a negative state of mind. Therefore if we want to be free from problems, we must transform our mind.”
There are many tools available that reduce a tendency toward anger (counseling, behavioral modification programs, relaxation training, meditation), but one of the most immediately effective hacks that I have found is this: Pause, self-reflect, and silence the ego by remembering that you are a human who has also offended others (whether intentionally or not), made mistakes, and caused problems (whether great or small). Therefore, you are no better or worse than any other human who has existed. You can only DO better in your actions, and the greatest action is embodying love!
Lonely:
We all feel lonely sometimes. You can be by yourself or with 100 people and still feel lonely. In contrast, you can be alone and not feel isolated. Persisting FEELINGS of loneliness can have you stuck in the pain of self-pity, depression, stress, anxiety, boredom, and countless other emotions. I discuss this topic in more detail my free eBook Comfort Zone: Finding Peace and Encouragement in Every Life Situation, but in summary, loneliness is a call to either reach outward to create connections with others, or to look inward and establish a better relationship with yourself. Doing both allows you to create a network of internal and external support systems, giving needed momentum to drive out of the rut of negative emotions.
Tired:
Tiredness can take a toll on your body. Just like hunger can be physical, mental, spiritual or emotional, the same can be said for fatigue. Excessive fatigue causes irritability, anxiety, and depression. It impairs memory and concentration. According to the National Safety Council, being awake for more than 20 hours is the equivalent of being legally drunk! It can negatively impact your health, contributing to obesity, heart disease, digestive disorders, and many other diseases. Repeatedly experiencing fatigue is a warning sign that you need to make changes to your health, your job, your relationships, your responsibility level, your environment, your activity level, or some other aspect of your life. Removing barriers to living a high-energy life is a sure way to get unstuck!
“Growth is painful. Change is painful. But, nothing is as painful as staying stuck where you do not belong.” -N.R. Narayana Murthy
#HALT #stuckonstupid #selfsabotage #repeatingthesamemistakes
